I'm not sure why but this afternoon I have felt really low.
I have so far had a pretty good weekend.
I went for my spa weekend and we had afternoon tea at a quaint little gin parlour restaurant. I lounged by the pool with a towel wrapped round me the entire time and read magazines. I made it through alive. The four of us had a nice evening meal. I slept well enough. We had a good breakfast. I had a nice walk along the canal with my other half and we treated ourselves to a Starbucks. We all had a good laugh in the car on the way home.
I had my slim fast for lunch and from there my mood has changed.
It is cloudy where I live, yet where we were it was sunny. I was cold as soon I got home. I am tired as well. We have had to put the heating on in August!
Although I am now feeling warmer, enough for the heating to go off, I still feel low. I don't want a hug. I can feel I am having to keep my temper under control. My other half can tell something isn't right and is trying to make me feel better but I just cannot respond.
Those who suffer from depression may understand what I am going through. I hope it will pass. I know it will, but not when.
Many will now know through the death of Robin Williams how people with depression and anxiety can hide it from the world, and how it can have dramatic consequences. Shocking as it is to people to find out someone they thought they knew had or have a mental health problem.
Depression is part of my life, it always has been, but I have only been diagnosed in recent years. I am slowly learning how to control the 'Black Dog' with the help of my GP, family and friends.
I have had counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) previously and I am not sure how much it helped. My Community Psychiatric Nurse has referred me for CBT again as she feels it will help. I have agreed to give it another go because I want to find ways to help me enjoy my life.
I am lucky to now have things to look forward to thanks to friends and family that look out for me. I have previously felt that I had no friends, but through my worst my invisible friends came to life without being asked. I am grateful for them.
It is weigh in day tomorrow and I feel that my weekend may affect my weight, but I guess only when I step on the scales I will know for sure.
My mood will lift and through writing this post I am feeling a little more positive. I would like to thank you for helping me just by reading my blog.
***I you feel you are affected by depression please contact your GP or tell someone you trust. It is important to seek help and you won't be judged.***